Space marine commandments. 1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter B*tch*s," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle. 2. Orks are not "cute." 3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons. 4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand. 5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle. 6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar. 7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador. 8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs. 9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin." 10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (in a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans) 11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife. 12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin." 13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag." 14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food. 15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed." 16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings. 17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne. 18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control". 19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on the Sisters' Rhino. 20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino. 21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs". 22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him as "Miss Cleo". 23. Dark Eldar are not "goth". 24. Nor are they "punk". 25. You shall not refer to your chapter as a "frat". 26. The Librarian is not a "Blaster". 27. Nor will he "buff" you if you ask him to. 28. Saying "heal plz" or "rez plz" near the Chaplain will result in crozius-bashing. 29: thy shalt not refer to the Emperors Most Holy Strike Cruisers as "ma ride". 30: Nor shalt thy refer to the valours decorations of your power armour as "bling" 31: the golden throne is NOT "tacky" 32: the keeping of Termaguants as "pets" is strictly forbidden. 33: thunderhawk pilots are asked to refrain from shouting "YEE-HAWWWW!" during rocket assisted take-offs 34: It is not apropate to refer to the Most Glorious Imperial Guard as "cannon fodder". 35: if any imperial guard are present. 36: Do not offer giant mecha anime to tau forces in an effort to instill jealousy 37: Do not try and comminicate with the Adpetus Mechanicus in binary. 38: the Imperial Inquistion does not consider the foul odors of you fellow battle brothers sufficent reason to execute him as a heretic. 39: the correct form of address to a Salamander chapter marine is "Hail, brother", NOT " 'sup, homie?" 40. Thou shall not strap Imperial Guardsmen to vehicles as "meat-shields". 41. Thou shall not refer to Librarian's as 'nerds'. 42. Thou shall not use bionic optics implants to spy on the Sisters' dressing rooms. 43. Thou shall not ask the Adeptus Mechanicus to "PIMP MY LAND RAIDER!". 44. Thou shall not try to communicate with Necrons in the ancient "C++" . 45. Thou shall not use Power Fists in "Rock, Paper, Scissors". 46. Thou shall not use acid spit to gain ahead of others in the cafeteria line. 47. Thou shall not yell "LEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY JJJJJEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKIIII IIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSS!" while charging the enemy lines. 48. Thou shall not use thy melta-guns to light campfires. 49. Thou shall not make remarks about the physical appearance of Sisters'. 50. Thou shall beware of bird poo when greater daemon of Tzeentch is around. 51. Thou shall not challenge a Daemon Prince to a fist fight. 52. Thou shall not use a looted Terrorfex for Halloween. 53. Thou shall not replace the Commissars' comm-link with a plasma grenade for a laugh. 54. Thou shall never laugh at the laughing god. 55. Thou shall not use the Lasgun to carve names into the Land Raiders. 56. Thou shall not assume that because you can take a bolter hit in the head, the Guardsmen over there can too. 57. Thou shall not call Ork "Killa Kan's" R2-D2's older brother. 58. Thou shall not flirt with the Banshee. They are the enemy. 59. Thou can not date a Dark Eldar Wych. They are the enemy too. 60. Thou shall not jump on the back of a Dreadnought in battle to see how long you can stay on. 61. Thou shall not think Genestealers are trying to steal his denim pants. 62. Thou shall not use the Lasgun as an actual flashlight. 63. Thou shall not play Hangman with the Inquisitor. 64. Thou shall not punch an Imperial Guardsman in the head, just because "It makes a funny noise." 65. Thou shall not mutilate plastic toy soldiers with plastic Tyranids when Imperial Guardsmen are present. 66. Thou shall not perform daredevil stunts in the Rhino. Especially if thine bretheren are in the back! 67. Just because no one expects the Imperial Inquistion, that does not mean you have the right to say so over and over again. 68. But only if in their most holy presence. 69. Praying to the most unholy chaos god Nurgle is not a "good way to cure STD's". It is heresy, and results in burning. 70. Sisters carrying flamers are not "So Hawt!". 71. Even if they are rather fetching. 72. Thou shall not throw the followers of Nurgle a bar of soap instead of a frag grenade. 73. Even Especially if the desperately need a wash. 74. Thou shalt not refer to Khârn the Betrayer as "One Helluva Guy." 75: thou shalt not pester edlar farseers for the lottery numbers of nexts weeks draw. 76: thou shalt not consider tau weapons to be toys just because they are made from plastic 77: Just because the accursed orcs do it, thou shalt not use thine servitors as "footballs". The same goeth for the glorious Imperial Guard 78. Thou Shalt Not attempt to joyride a Tau Crisis suit, no matter how much posterior you believe you may kick with it. 79. Thou Shalt Not observe the size of Tau weaponry and speak Thusly: "Compensating for something there?" 80. The book "Summoning Daemons for Fun and Profit" does not exist. 81. I do not care how funny your brothers think it is, dousing yourself in koolaid and running throughout the fortress shouting "Blood for the Blood God" is not permitted. 82. Thou shalt not mistake the Harlequin's Kiss for some fruity clown prank. 83. Thou shalt not scrawl rude messages to thine enemies on thy suit of Powered Armour, for such obscenity is offensive to the resident Machine Spirit, and also throws the Sergeant out of whack at Dress Parades. 84. Thou shalt also not use thine Melanochrome glands to write similiar rude messages on thine skin directly. 85. The Imperial Navy is not your private courier service. 86. Thou shalt not refer to a Tyranid invasion as a "Zerg Rush".
For your pleasure. *The numbering in the first post compared to this will be off, dramatically* 23. Virus bombs are not fun in a box 24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny, does not count as an “enemy casualty”. 25. Thou shalt not clog the Lasscannon tubes “just to see what happens”. 26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of a dreadnaught. 27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the chaplain’s hand whilst wearing a powerfist. 28. Putting sand inside the terminators’ armour is not “funny”. 29. Thou shalt not refer to the standard of fortitude as a “walking stick” 30. Thou shalt not refer to the bolt-pistol as a novelty cigarette lighter. 31. The earthshaker cannon is not a “hat stand” nor is the sentinel a “standard lamp”. 32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to "play chicken" with Imperial Guard Chimeras. 33. Thou shalt not put a "Purge me!" sign on the back of the chaplain’s armour. 34. Thou shalt not compliment the dark eldar by calling them "kinky" 35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver 36. Thou shalt not replace the holy ungents for the machine spirit with grain alcohol 37. Thou shalt not invite a Banshee to Karaoke 38. Thou shalt not replace the O2 units on the commander’s power armour with laughing gas 39. Thou shalt not train a hormogaunt to be a watchdog 40. Thou shalt not take "old one eye" out of context...”He's in my artificer armour he..he..duh!” 41. Thou shalt not call Dark Angels "hippy alter boys" 42. Thou shalt not taunt an eldar "gee didn't these use to shoot further?" 43. Thou shalt not refer to the golden throne as "the nicest commode in the galaxy" 44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint. 45. Thou shalt not throw a warp beast a dog biscuit. 46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/ sisters battle. 47. Thou shalt not ask a warlock what he wears under his robe. 48. Thou shalt not tease an inquisitor with "look sir-heretics!" 49. Thou shalt not play wack-a-mole with those little jawa-wannabe dark angel thingies (tangent). 50. Thou shalt not wear oven mitts when issued a plasma gun. 51. Thou shalt not take the rhino to procure monkish ale before filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms. 52. Thou shalt not ask the librarian if he has records concerning Uranus. 53. Thou shalt not refer to the flamer as a “novelty toaster” 54. Thou shalt not ask the apothecary to guess what you have eaten by looking at your tongue. 55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a terminators' suit during battle. 56. Thou shalt not point and laugh saying 'look somebody missed the toilet when battling snotlings. 57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the emperor (unless properly addressed to do so) 58. Eldar helmets may not be use as hole-punches. 59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as “psychological warfare” nor shalt thou refer to the index astartes as “the book of grudges” 60. Thou shalt not say, "will someone please tell the emperor to crap or get off the throne” 61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to make "Inquisition" an Olympic sport. 62. Thou shalt not instigate a "my Primarch could beat up your primarch" debate. 63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and "I am your father" as a battlecry when wielding a powersword and entering an assault 64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood Angels. 65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the space wolves. 66. Duct-taping a flamer to your boltgun does not count as a combi-weapon, and painting it pretty won't make it "master crafted" 67. Thou shalt not punt grots for pleasure. 68. Thou shalt not shout “thongs for the thong god in front of the Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain. 69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex with the Dark Eldar. 70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy treasury to mail it to the harlequin. 71. Power armour never makes a sister look fat. 72. Thou shalt not laugh manically when flaming the non-believers. 73. Thou shalt not use thunderhammers to play crocket. 74. Thou shalt not start rounds of "you might be a c'tan if" while imbibing strong monkish ale. 75. Though shalt not refer to thine brethern, whom the Emperor has dictated be armed with an incediary weapon, as a "Flamer" constantly. For this has been proven to lower morale and cause strife within his His Most Holy showering facilities. 76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around the Necrons. 77. Thou shalt not ask roughriders if you can pet their ponies. 78. Thou shalt not stray from the adeptus mechanicus's directive towards ornamentation of rhinos-specifically no aluminium sport rims, neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice. 79. Thou shall not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games of 'Counterstrike'. 80. Thou shall not, in any way, shape, or form, take the land speeder joy riding. 81. Remember, shining lasguns in the guards’ eyes is WRONG. 82. Thou shall not pretend to have been possessed by a daemon. 83. Thou shall not call the sacred plasma gunners of the imperial guard 'fizzbusters'. 84. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the chapter master's equipment. 85. Thou shall not use supported warhounds to 'play ball' with imperial guard sentinels. 86. It is NOT cool to feed snotlings copious amounts of narcotics! 87. It is not “funny” to dress up as a bloodletter and jump out in front of the chapter master. 88. Replacing a brother's ammunition with blanks is not “funny” 89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons. 90. Playing naughty movies in your power armour’s autosenses is not sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes. 91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sisters showering facilities. 92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered dreadnaught brethren by tapping on their window and saying "anyone in there?" 93. Thou shalt not commandeer droppods to go for pizza. 94. Thou shalt not refer to the emperor’s champion as "that brown-noser" 95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of annoying insects-unless they be tyranids. 96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and redemption. 97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear me now", repetively in an attempt to drive him insane. 98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as "damn dirty apes". 99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays. 100. Thou shalt not ask the Dark Angels if they "can keep a secret" 101. Thou shalt not do Scooby Doo impersonations when speaking to the Space Wolves. 102. Thou shalt not tell the Salamanders "sorry about the multimelta thing" 103. Thou shall not ask directions from the wulfen. 104. Thou shall not ask berserkers for an axe. 105. Thou shalt not do doughnuts in a rhino, unless thou wishest to clean the passenger's vomit from the floor, as doughnuts make passengers dizzy 106. Thou shalt not write "Biggest Bitch on the Battlefield" on the side of thy land raider, even if it is true. 107. Thou shalt not take the Rhino out on Saturdays to 'impress the girls'. 108. Tyranids are not cute. 109. Though shalt not use lasguns as laser sights for thy bolters 110. Just because you’re fighting necrons it doesnt mean your standard equipment is a skaven and a tin opener. 111. Thou shalt not throw snowballs at Salamander Space Marines whilst yelling "THINK FAST!" 112. Thou shalt not ask Ork prisoners "why the red ones go faster" 113. Thou shalt not attempt to drown out noise marines with ye old rave music 114. Never ask a dreadnought "how old are you?" 115. Thou shalt not use the golden throne as a microwave 116. Thou shalt not wear a dress in the presence of the dark angels 117. Thou shalt not wear fake fangs in the presence of the wolves 118. Thou shalt not ask a space wolf if he wants a biscuit 119. Thou shalt not eat another marine’s paste 120. Thou shalt not trip a dark angel in front of a interrorgator chaplain 121. Thou shalt not trip an interrorgator-chaplain 122. Thou shalt not fill demolisher shells with lotus flowers. 123. Scouts are not 'target practice'. 124. Thou shalt not replace the Chapter Master's weapon with a plastic sword. 125. It is not funny to put an 'Eat me' sign on the Librarian's back prior to a Tyranid attack. 126. Thou shalt NOT refer to the Dreadnought as 'Grandad', nor shalt thou hang an 'I told you I was sick' sign from it. 127. Thou shalt not play 'peek-a-boo' with the machine spirit. 128. Thou shalt not unscrew your battle breathrens leg plates.
