Re-posting for some feedback before I send it in! Please give it a read. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BANgFs0v2jXizIFdiF8Ml5JigyzyoQyYoj5ow8cye0E/edit?usp=sharing
hahahaha. This is what I do... Lets get it on! I may put you in my story, Uriel - you will be a devastator, don't worry. lol
~5300 words ouch! Didn't read it but in any case I suggest to focus at a very very specific moment and resolve around it rather than go on and on. Think of True minimal of how to tell the core of your story / the morale or story behind it.
Why not make it PoV out of 2 personalities only and integrate monologues? Chaplain and Mr. Prisoner? That way you could give the persona more through giving insight into the mind of the character. Another thing you could do is reduce the landing of finding the corpse in the prologue directly to the planet surface. Or something like 'The Strike Cruiser after having received a suspicious signal sent a Thunderhawk under the recently new appointed Chaplain to the surface of a world in the Kharon system.' and then start from there on, perhaps in a monologue during the Thunderhawk landing to explain why they landed there
Well aware. But 2500 words is not really enough to make anything meaningful. Its round around basic sophomore papers. 5k words is much better for a story that has character development. I did get mine down to about 2800, so I'm close, but cutting anything more is painful. I even rewrote much of it to exclude interesting bits.
