A large human walks into the bar with an even larger pulse rifle slung over his shoulder. He gets odd glances from the patrons, mostly due to the tattoo on his forehead, a tattoo of the heraldry of the Tau Empire. He sits at the bar and lets out a long sigh, his eyes filled with the deaths of many friends and enemies alike. His dust brown armor is adorned with the heraldry of the D'yanoi sept. He lays his pulse rifle by his side and begins to speak. "If you boys want to hear a story that I will tell you about how I joined the Tau Empire. I was just your average guardsman once upon a time, serving on the planet of Jericho 3. We were attacked by Dark Eldar, lots of Dark Eldar. They could have wiped us out, we were only few in number. No, they took us as slaves by the thousands. I was thrown into the masses and eventually I was forced into a sort of cage with maybe 20 others, it was a tight fit. For weeks all we heard was the screaming of the Dark Eldar's torture victims. They began taking people from my cage. I saw the face of one of their torturers, twisted and convulsed. After each one was taken I always prayed and commended their soul to the Emperor. I don't know what was scarier, the torture they felt, or the knowledge that I might be next. Eventually only two people were left in the cage, me and a kid he looked maybe seventeen years old. The torturer came in alone as he looked at both of us. I looked into his mandrake eyes and I could sense he had so many ideas of what to do with us, or to us. The kid really began to panic and the torturer closed in on him. All seemed lost until a explosion rippled whatever hellish complex we were in. The torturer cursed and screamed as the explosions continued. No one knew what was going on until a avian like creature jumped onto the torturer and began, eating him. The torturer's abominable face was torn and I gazed at his bones and muscles in his head, both were contorted into a sadistic smile. At this point the kid was vomiting profusely. Another figure in tan armor entered the doorway and checked the torturer's mangled body until he picked up a rod like object. I realized that he was a Fire Warrior of the Tau Empire. The lights of his helmet focused on the kid, than on me. He told us to follow him, and we did so. The next few hours were filled with mass fighting between the vicious Dark Eldar and the sharpshooting Tau with the aid of the carnivorous Kroot, until ultimately the Tau were victorious. I knew what was going to happen next, they were going to offer us a place in the their Empire. I pondered this and saw myself serving the Imperium from inside the Tau Empire. I decided to join them, as well as the kid who I now learned to be named Larius. Larius and I were sent off world to the tau home world no less to begin training as Gue'vesa which literally means human helpers. When we were their I witnessed the truth about the Tau. I saw a people of benevolence who treated the most common worker the same as the highest Ethereal. I saw xenos as well as humans working together to build a society free of hate. Larius was almost crying after going through a horrible ordeal, than seeing a place free from such acts. We made the very difficult decision to join the Tau in hopes that one day others can be exposed to this dream, this dream of a Greater Good. In the months that followed I distinguished myself as a very capable marksman and was praised for my resilience and iron will that I no doubt acquired from imprisonment on Jericho 3. I was sent to D'yanoi, a sept constantly bombarded with fierce storms. I was trained there, and shown as an example to others of what a Fire Warrior should be. Now I lead a small elite force of Gue'vesa being sent from planet to planet to carry out the will of the Tau Empire. Anyway barkeep thanks for listening to my rantings now I need something strong to forget about that damn torturer.
Well,well,well a oomie oo finks e is a tau, now I've seen everafing. Any who dat was a good tale ya git.well we got DA fing fa you * the ork nob points to the spiked barrel of fenrisian ale* DA stuff's bout as ded are as DA space marine boys oo come from DA same place. *the ork barkeep places a mug the size of a hormaguant skull filled with fenrisian ale* dere ya go
*kicks the door open and roughly a dozen mixed creatures of space marines, orks, eldar and other unknown Xenos brought several barrels inside, putting them behind the bar* LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN BUY WITH SOUL CREDITS! *1 soul credit per story + bonus soul credits if it's a real good story!* Fenrisian Ale - 1 Soul Credit (Alcohol) Dragon Heart - 1 Soul Credit (Alcohol) Guillimans Brain - 1 Soul Credit (Soup - improves tactical knowledge) Khorne Flakes - 1 Soul Credit (Cereal - improves rage & strength) Other Drinks and Food - 1 Soul Credit Internet Access in Tavern - 2 Soul Credits XXX Internet Access in Tavern - 4 Soul Credits Rhino Tank - 2 Soul Credits (for driving in the Taverns parking lot) Predator Tank - 3 Soul Credits (Driving) Any Xenos Tank - 3 Soul Credits (with driver +1 Soul Credit) Super Heavy Tanks - 6 Soul Credits (Baneblade, Land Raider, etc.) Titan - 15 Soul Credits Cruiser Class - 25 Soul Credits Black Strike Cruiser with Exterminatus weapon on-board - 35 Soul Credits Any Destroyer Class ship - 40 Soul Credits Clone of yourself - 50 Soul Credits Extreme Power Buff (makes you as good as a Primarch!) - 9001 Soul Credits Emperor's Golden Throne - 40.000 Soul Credits +1 Free Trait in any Urian RP - 8 Soul Credits (RP Bonus) +1 Character in any Urian RP - 10 Soul Credits (RP Bonus)
Don't worry pathetic...I mean... poor human, that horrible person is long dead. Probably. Unless he somehow survived. And got his buddies to resurrect his corpse. And he wanted a drink. And decided to try out a newly-renovated tavern on New Badab. And he killed a green-dyed human setting up neon lights out the back. And he wore the skin of said human to disguise himself. And he sneaked inside and saw you telling your story. And he wants to finish what he started. *picks up half-empty glass, and smiles a broken smile* Bottoms up.
Jim wot 'appened ta ya ya don't sound all too orky. Did somefink 'appendix ta ya. Ta confirm ya orky show me DA orky secret 'andshake * the barkeep sticks out his massive had and stares at the bar patron skeptically *
Ah hah hah, you must be mistaken my dear green friend, how would a normal human such as myself know an orkish handshake? here, I will fill your grasp though, *his hand quickly swipes over another half-filled glass, a faint plop and fizzle is heard, and he hands the glass to the Nob* Drink up, friend... *He glances Matengrad with a glint in his eye. The drinkers swear to themselves that they see something move underneath Jim's skin.*
Gutless Jim knows DA orky secret 'and shake which roight bout means you ain't no gutless Jim ya just krumped and skinned 'I'm an now ya looted 'is skin !!!!!! Also I can't drink on DA job. * the ork bashes the glass into the figures head* GET DA ZOG OUTTA ME BAR !!!!!!!!!!!!! * the enraged nob picks up and tosses the figure out of the bar. zog me. Dis reminds me a DA time me an some of DA UVA gitz back DA orky encampment I was on in DA koralis secta. Zo DA eres ow it went down, me an DA UVA nobs wuz charging DA big shoota fingy when one of me buddies got torn ta bitz by one of DA shotz, I knew dat nob since I wuz just a wee welp. Den me favorite grot got caught in me gun breakin' both me favorite gun and me favriote grot both went up in smoke. I wuz so sad I feel ta me knees which saved me life an krumped one of DA oomie gitz. I wuz so mad I got up grabbed myself a oomie an' I tossed 'em at DA gun. Ee took A SINGLE shot before ee went down but dat was enough fa me ta get DA dem at DA oomie deffgun. I grabbed DA fing AN' I RIPPED IT OUTTA da ground I saw a space marine boy and I took 'is ead off and but it on me gun and I DAKKAED down every single GIT I could see and some UVA gitz dat I couldn't see. Dis is a sad day R.I.P gutless "DA ork" Jim * the barkeep eye seemingly leaks a tear but the ork glares at it and it returns to the ork's eye*
