^ These also include the Dark Eldar Path books, which have a surprising amount of not-Dark-Eldar content in them as well. One thing I would want to see given some attention in your writing is that the Path works. By this I mean that the Craftworld Eldar have survived for ten thousand years, so they must be doing something right - or at least right enough to survive and pass on to their descendents. We see a lot of examples of the Path failing or an individual falling from the Path, but almost no examples of it actually working. Yet it does. It must do, because the Craftworlds are still here. So for the majority it ought to be a successful way of life - not necessarily easy or plain sailing with no flaws and conflicts, but certainly serviceable. I'd like to see an exploration of that. When I write myself, I like to give some example of the Path working as a contrast to when it doesn't. If we never see what is 'baseline normal', then it's harder to see the impact of when something goes wrong, in my own opinion - what are Eldar lost on the Path, falling off the Path, wandering away from it actually differing from?
Thank you, I think I will actually do that once I have a solid synopsis outlined and covering the craftworld's basics. Most of the armies I write tend to be covered as an Index Astartes style format, so it would basically cover their general history and basic points, with many other aspects left to be fleshed out in additional sections. It won't be for some time though, I do want to do as people have advised and re-read both the Path series before tackling this specific one. Also, thank you for the compliment, it's nice to know there are people out there reading my stuff.
Digging up this thread as i've gone through about five or six ideas, some which might work, others which seemed too much like existing craftworlds, and i'm taking a stab at something a bit different. This may or may not get me yelled at, but it's a rough outline of what i'm attempting to cover with one craftworld. Effectively taking the idea of a small group of elite manipulators with extremely long lives to basically its logical extreme. There's a lot here i've not put down and to be fleshed out but it gives a general idea of some stuff being attempted. That said, if it's going too far or there are some obvious problems please say so, i'm quite used to starting over from scratch on these things. Name: Yin-Sarr Meaning: The last scream which burns in the heavens. Current location: Galactic north-east Main colours: Dark crimson, bright yellow, white. Reputation: Isolationist, Distrusting Motto: (Approximate primary Gothic translation) "Death need not be the end of hope." Background: A hidden blade among the fragmented remnants of the eldar race, Yin-Sarr is among the craftworlds least seen. Barely appearing even to its own kind, or contacting them save for occasional warnings of some impending threat, it has long since been lost to the mists of time. Only among the primitive feudal planets of the Ultima Segmentum is it spoken in hushed whispers, appearing in the skies as some angry god. Tales are spoken of a single bright burning crimson star which blazes across the heavens, returning once every number of generations. From its arrival potent are told, the coming of abominations, the coming of old gods, and the disasters which so frequently follow in its wake. To these worlds it is known by many names: The Baleweaver, Chiron's Longship, the Talon of Thrakan; each listing it as some angry entity slaking its wrath upon any who displease it. Yet few know its true purpose or the will of its leaders. An outsider even in the dying days of the Eldar Empire, Yin-Sarr was one of the furthest flung craftworlds from their heartland prior to its fall. Disappearing into the east for countless centuries, the trade city regarded itself as an outpost representing the best of its species qualities, joining and meeting with primitive and feudal alien societies. Contacting them for cultural documentation and silently monitoring them for resources to exploit when the time came, none there knew of the decadence which had befallen the Empire until its final days. Attempting to return home for the first time in several millennia, the craftworld only avoided annihilation thanks to a chance meeting. Briefly dropping out of the Webway to recharge its solar sails, the eldar detected a small fleet of vessels far from home, ill-equipped for any kind of long term journey. While initially refusing all contact, the craftworld's council soon heard of what befallen their homes, of a cankerous blight which lurked within the heart of their kingdom. Unwilling to believe the acts of depravity they found at first, going to far as to capture the fleet in the belief they were criminals fabricating some tale to try and escape justice, these stories were soon proven all too true. In a screaming cry which echoed the voices of countless trillions of eldar, consumed in one moment of sheer terror, Slaanesh tore its way into the galaxy. Shrieking in a deafening psionic explosion which silenced all else in the Warp, Yin-Sarr could only watch in horror as its birth cries ripped open the fabric of reality itself, consuming the core worlds of their Empire. At the sight of such an act, they did as all surviving eldar would and fled, turning tail and racing for the fringes of the galaxy itself. Spurning contact even with other survivors out of fear they might have borne the corrupting influence which had damned their species, Yin-Sarr went into seclusion, hiding on the edge of space. Throughout the next ten millennia years it would remain there, seemingly dormant. Those who encountered it were turned away, save for their dark kin of Commorragh, who were met with outright hostility, and blamed for their ancestor's sins of She Who Thirsts upon the galaxy. Only to a few of their planetbound cousins did they hold any ties, specifically with the Exodite enclaves of Iskander VII, Veracron and Cerataris; the descendants of the small fleet encountered in the the Empire's dying days. With a population of less than sixty thousand and keeping to itself, even the xenocidally blind Imperium largely ignored Yin-Sarr in favour of more pressing threats. Gradually forgotten by the majority of the galaxy, it slipped into legend. Exactly as its Farseers wished, allowing them to influence events as they wished. Their return to the Eastern Fringe had not been any mad flight of terror, but a calculated decision. Far from the bleeding Eye which had consumed their home, they began more frequently appearing among the primitive societies they had encountered. Already seen by some as mythical entities or servants of their gods, the inhabitants of these worlds were easily manipulated to their will. Subtly or, when needed, directly influence many of the races on such worlds began to develop worshiping cultures surrounding the craftworld's denizens. Slowly traversing back and forth across the Segmentum, they picked out certain species to ascend and advance at a rapid pace. This was no act of compassion or charity however, but one of self-preservation. Eldar numbers were few, gradually dwindling as they bore Asuryan's gift, and simply could not afford to lose more of their kind in war. So, as the Old Ones did before them, Yin-Sarr began to shape races into their armies. Some worlds were intentionally seeded with orks, remnants of defeated WAAAGHs!, to ensure they would grow strong with conflict. Others were met with disasters, civil wars or strife which made them ever hardier, guided there by Yin-Sarr's Seers. Yet for every one allowed through to improve their skills at war, the craftworld intervened to protect them from dozens they were unprepared for, or hid them from the Imperium. Explorator fleets sent to these planets disappeared into the Warp, druchii raiders were silently cut down even as they arrived, and Rogue Traders mysteriously found themselves sidetracked to new destinations. Going so far as to even destroy the fledgling Jagged Revenants chapter by sabotaging their newly built Fortress Monastery's power generators when they infringed upon a protectorate race's homeworld, the craftworld savagely defended its interests. While many would die out across the millennia, to failed trials as much as outside threats, the few who remained were beings of conflict, shaped by ten thousand years of cultivated wars and guided by eldar knowledge. Tested against isolated ork worlds, Imperial outposts and even slumbering Necron tomb complexes, as M42 dawns Yin-Sarr gathers both the Exodite clans and its new servants for war. A war to carve out their empire among the weakened Imperium and begin ensuring their dominion across the galaxy once more...
First impression (all I have so far, I want to come back to this and read it again) are that your lore is internally consistent, it could fit in with the existing mythos and the use of 'influence' as the primary tool of survival seems plausible. (I don't like to just say "Cool fluff!" and leave it at that since you asked for feedback ) I like the name, and the colour scheme would look good on an army, which is nice if you play tabletop! I also appreciate the way that although manipulation is their strong suit, it feels as if it is forced upon them by circumstance and the need to survive. If you had taken an aspect of Eldar life and say, made them "the one with a lot of politicians and diplomats" without saying why this wouldn't have felt as effective. In contrast, I like Il-Kaithe as a Craftworld but we are never told why it has more Bonesingers (so far as I know, and I do want to know) - but if we knew why, that would make its bio seem more rounded and thought-provoking. This makes the background a touch fuller and gives it more sense. That said I could imagine that these kinds of social manipulators would be more common? Not necessarily that the world is full of untrustworthy Eldar so far as their own kind - Yin-Sarrians - are concerned, but more those who know the arts of working the outsiders.
Thank you for the compliment, glad to know it at least seems to be taking something along the right track. Truth be told this is trying to avoid the aforementioned problem of giving the craftworld a single defining trait, while still making a certain aspect core to them. So, the idea with Yin-Sarr here was that, during the time of the Empire, they effectively acted like Columbia did in Bioshock Infinite. They regarded it more or less as their duty to go from place to place, alien worlds specifically, to showcase their power and might, all the while making trade agreements and contact with younger races for future use. Usually monitoring worlds for vital resources or potential in one form or another, though it's going to be left ambiguous if they'd go in and exterminate the local population, or take advantage of them directly or not. It means that trade, negotiation and certain manipulative traits are already at their core, along with a few of the more unusual aspects, when the Empire fell and they fled. The fact they were basically given the role about boasting about their own perfection to a degree, only to survive the Fall, is something which will seriously affect their culture when that's covered. That said, as for the culture itself, I took the suggestions made in here to look at the Path series again, the first Dune and a few other materials to examine how the interior of the society might work. Each seemed to be in a state of political maneuvering to a point, sometimes not confrontationally as in Dune or Path of the Dark Eldar, but there was also a form of one lifestyle butting heads with another. That led to looking at another franchise, Legend of the Five Rings, where social status, political manipulation and the like are core to life there despite there being a wide variety of roles, duties and tasks required by the various clans. So, as such due to a very traditionalist environment to certain society requirements and the roles of houses within the craftworld, i'm hoping that it will equally show one where social manipulation was a necessary requirement without it becoming their sole defining feature. Truth be told though, the point of shaping the development races and the like is probably going to be the most difficult part to get right without making them seem overly "special snowflake" or causing any serious lore issues. It's going to be interesting to experiment with to be sure, but there's certainly a few examples from the lore of somewhat similar acts occurring during the Great Crusade or period prior to it.
One thing I love about the Eldar Craftworld's are that they are each isolated societies that allows us to mold. For example in the Path of the Eldar series we're only given views of how the Craftworld Alaitoc. One that I consider the "cookie-cutter" Craftworld. Since it is described most traditional and strict of them all. That gives us a lot of leeway to change what social/military aspects we read in them. Yin-Sarr sounds like a great idea that really embodies the situation that the Children of Asuryan. Actually it seems like a more shadowy and realist methodology of survival that my own Craftworld idea. Also I wouldn't worry about this Craftworld being a "special snowflake" you've given them a modus operandi and what they specialize in that isn't like any of the canon Craftworlds. You didn't give them a super special piece of technology, secrets to the webway, or someone who crossed blades with someone famous in the 40 universe. One thing that I always think about when making something original, is what are the flaws? What is the problem this Craftworld has in comparison to others? Either something based on their military, situation or society. For example, Ulthwe suffers from the lack of aspect warriors, and Biel-Tan suffers from a more moral flaw (to a human point of view) in regards to their xenophobia and bloodthirsty desire for control. What I wonder is if you're going to write more of this and post it. I would gladly read it!
I like your premise and depth of lore you have given your Craftworld. In many ways it is similar to mine. I have to admit to the "special snowflake" mentality. It's hard to avoid, but I think you have avoided it nicely. One day I'll have the time to right it up properly, as you have.
Right, after an extremely long delay, opting to resurrect this again. Nothing too much, just working on it bit by bit, and experimenting with a few ideas. It's still got a long way to go, but here's a couple of minor parts so far, including a proper colour scheme. Also, apologies in advance if some of this sounds very odd, i'm usually finishing work and writing these at around midnight, so some fine tuning is desperately in need. Craftworld Description: The few who have been permitted access to Yin-Sarr's inner domains have described a spartan, almost joyless world. Whereas most craftworlds are sanctuaries, refuges and relics containing the remnants of their past society, these eldar have all but abandoned their prior identity. No statues are made in worship to their race's pantheon, few remaining banners still depict the eldar gods at all, and the very act of speaking about their prior empire is a taboo at best. At worst an outright crime. While not directly confirmed, it has been suspected that this may have been the result of some mad act of shame, destroying symbols of the flawed empire they once venerated so not to repeat any of their mistakes. While remnants such as the Shrine of the Avatar remain, no one knows how many relics may have been lost amid this alleged purge of anything which might link them to their past. The only link to their past which has remained truly untouched, even encouraged to flourish, has been the craftworld's gardens. Stretching for kilometers at a time, these grounds are home to species once unique to the maiden worlds. Considered almost sacred, they have even been allowed to run wild and grow unchecked, bereft of the control found elsewhere. These grounds are often used as meeting places between the craftworld's Farseers and diplomats from their primitive serf races. Assisting in making their leaders more malleable to their will, they serve to unsettle the primitives by gathering them in locations familiar to their kind, yet leaving the sight of vast alien citadels dominating the skies overhead. It is also among these jungles that many of their Aspect Warrior shrines can be found, particularly those of the Striking Scorpion, who favour the dense and enclosed fauna. The true cities of the craftworld dominate the upper tiers over the gardens. Linked by vast complex walkways and bridge networks, these core bastions are closer in some respects to Imperial Hive Cities than others of their kind. True privacy is considered a lie here, and many buildings are openly planned with rooms separated less by walls than simple aesthetic choices. This is in stark contrast to the streets beyond, which in many places are so narrow that they allow only two or three people to pass at a time. This is in part a reflection of the ordered nature of their society, and the greater level of trust shown to the closest of their kin, but more prominently a defensive choice. The streets and bridges break up the massed offensive formations favoured by the Imperium's armies or Ork WAAAGHs! At the same time the interior layout of many buildings have been constructed to serve as easy staging areas during defensive actions, or even bottlenecks to divert an army in a specific direction. The craftworld itself has evolved as it has slowly grown over the ten millennia, gradually transforming to reflect the guarded mentality of its population. While its exterior hull still bares signs of extravagance and a far more open nature, many have long since slipped away. The massive crystal domes which once dotted its surface have long since been covered by massive slabs of wraithbone, leaving only a scant handful still open to space. Furthermore, the solar sails which one adored its dorsal have gradually been drawn back, pushed to its aft as the craftworld's fore expanded into a protective armored bulk. When viewed from the void beyond, Yin-Sarr itself now resembles a squat arrow-headed bastion of wraithbone.
I think you've made a good job of reflecting the Craftworld's highly defensive style of architecture and its society in each other. I can visualise the stern look of the place, yet still done with the elegance of Eldat style. Would it be right to say that they have a sort of seige mentality, or would that be too insular? They do have contact with other races, after all, even if they see them as lesser beings. They seem less for the simple life than Exodites, theyare still obviously Craftworlders, but they'd seem less the introspective inhabitants of dreaming spires and more the kind of Craftworld that has taken a long hard look at the past, found it wanting and rolled up its collective sleeves in determination not to get it so badly wrong again. Did I read that right?
