I'm actually fullfilling the "drunk" condition right now. The "sober" thing might take some time, though.
I actually fullfill condition 2 as well. And I still fail to understand what purpose scrap metal could have other than being part of a glorious Behnblead.
Strike Cruiser? Bolter?`Why not just orbital drop Baneblades onto the planet? Or commence an orbital baneblade bombardment? Or commence exterminatus with baneblades?