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Goff Immortalz (Story.)

Discussion in 'Role Playing' started by MasterSpookums, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    Master Spookums sat, looking at a crude map of the area with a large circle with the words "Gitz I'z 'ere." He rummaged through a belt pouch, finding a half eaten squig pie, his slugga and an ammo casing with his name carved in to it. He took out a looted imperial comms device given some Orky gubbinz and switched through the channels in a heavy handed fashion until he heard human voices squawking out of the speaker. He turned his map over, coughed, and in then spoke in course low gothic as though he were a human from a feral world. "We'z got nids incommin' from da roit!" After a brief pause in the noise level, he could hear orders given, he could also hear panic.

    He put his map in his pouch, picked up his choppa and his shield and turned. With a quick hand gesture, similarly armed figures rose and started to march.

    "Da uumiez fink deyz can steals a fight from us! We'z gunna do sumfink cunnin' dat i calls a counta charge. Wen da nids come in we'z charge 'em right back!" He nods, starting to smack the side of his choppa against his shield, the rest of his boyz begin to do the same.

    By the time they were close enough, the Guardsmen could hear the- 'music' of the Goff and his boyz, and as the Tyranids charged, the Orks charged in to the Tyranids side. The first few gaunts were hacked and then stomped in to the ground, so set upon their human prey. The next line however turned, blades meeting shields as limbs were cleaved from chitinous bodies.

    for the Orks, claws and talons scraped and peirced armor, though not one stopped fighting, no matter the wounds inflicted. Given the collection of scars between the orky-mortalz they were no strangers to pain, which only seemed to spur them on to fight harder, carving a bloody path through the gleaming swarm. The back few boyz turned, cutting down the gaunts trying to encircle them.

    "Annialashun will be inavoidable! Unavoidable? Oww, Zog 'em already! WAAAAGH!"

    Spookums slammed his head in to a gaunts head, then brought the sharpened side of his shield in to it's neck, decapitating it with a follow up choppa blow. An incoming salvo of fleshborer beetles was met by the shields, though one of the Immortalz was too slow raising it, and as he tried to remove the beetle, three more landed and he fell. Spookems however, was carving a path to the Warrior in charge of this part of the brood. He instantly regretted not having a Klaw.

    The beast was armed with scything talons, and an odd gun formed of it's lower arms. Spookems raised his shield to close the distance, through a green crystal punctured the shield, just milimeters away from his flesh. Though Spookums didn't know, it was a venom cannon. He nudged the barrel of the gun aside and severed one of the arms making up the weapon, ducking a decapitating strike from the talon. He spun to the side, appearing on the opposite side as the beast as it tried to barge in, only for Spookums to put the strength of both his arms behind the shield, the crystal imbedded in to it piercing the warriors side through a lucky gap between chinitus plates. It howled. as termagaunts tried entering the fray, his boyz beat them back, a sea of teeth and claws breaking on the shield wall, trying to get to their leader.

    Spookums lost his shield, the toxic shard unable to be pulled free. He drew his side arm, unflashy slugga. He slapped a talon aside and shot the warrior in the chest, when it flinched he tried bringing his choppa in for a slice, though the warrior's other talon slashed across Spookum's face leaving a long slash that bled freely. He bellowed. "WAAAGH!" at the top of his lungs, fueled by the pain of the slash and of other, numerous wounds. He shot the warrior in one armpit, disabling the arm as he grabbed hold of the other near the base and pulled, tearing that talon entirely off.

    "WOTZ YA DON'T SEEM TA GET NIDS, IS DAT WE'Z ORKZ AND ORKZ IS MADE FER FIGHTIN AND WINNIN!' He digs his choppa blade in to the warriors flesh, then slams the procured scything talon up through the soft underside of it's mouth so that it peirces in to the warriors brain, which almost immediately goes in to death spasms.

    The psychic shockwave of the Warriors death brought the Immortalz some time as the gaunts flinched and backed away. Being Goffs, They advanced after them for about thirty meters before returning to the corpse of the Warrior. Spookums took out his walkie talkie, give it smack against the warriors head. "Da 'uumies is ready fer da boyz ta pay 'em a visit." He looked around at the ork corpses. "We'z also need a dok."

    The Immortalz then left the field to resupply and rearm. (Literally, for one Boy.) They call themselves Immortalz because, while some do die, the ones that do were not. The ones that don't however, only become more and more convinved that they are, and we all know the effect Ork belief has.
  2. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    A few days later, Spookums traded the tools he used as a Goff for the kit he used as a Kammando. His Mitz, a Clubba and a Slugga he called Gladdis. A big shoota was on his back, though that was for when the time for subtlety was long gone. He crept in to Imperial line s at night, having watched them long enough to know roughly when the defenders swapped shifts. He snuck in behind an Ogryn, and pulled the abhuman bulk of it in to a side trench where he showed it's skull his clubba, though it took three swings to fracture the skull. He then looted it's uniform, already illfitting for the former wearer. He tried to cover up as much of his skin as he could, aware that he may get away with the disguise based on his build, but not by his skin color.

    Wearing the uniform, and the hat, which he was considering keeping after he trudged in the direction he had been going before the ambush. He found the Requesitions Officer. "Uhm. I need my gun! I'm goin' out on patrol!" He exclaimed. The officer peered at him, dubiously. If it looks like an Ogryn, sounds like an Ogryn and smells like an Ogryn. . .

    "Do you have your requesition form?" The officer asked.

    "Erm." He made a show of patting down his pockets. He could have, but he had no idea what that was.

    "It's alright. Listen, I don't know why they make you flabbies require them, because your only going to wipe your mouth or arse with it or just misplace it. One Ripper Gun with Bayonet, two grenades and four spare magazines for the Ripper." Each item was placed on the counter, which the officer marked off in his ledger.

    His beady red eyes opened wide in Awe and glee. "Can i tell you sumfing?" Spookums said, leaning forwards and down. The Officer started breathing through his mouth and leaned forwards, only for the Ork in disguise to grab him by the throat, chuckle and say. "Boo, yer stupid 'uumie." The clubba only needed one blow, though it was unneccesary as the officer had fainted.

    He worked quickly, turning the stores in to an accident waiting to happen. Taking a super stikkbomb from a pouch on his belt, setting a timer on it as he strolled out somewhat casually with his new gun slung over a shoulder, finger remaining on the trigger.

    He pulled out a half eaten pie from another pouch and, to the first guardsmen he saw exclaimed. "Day guy wiv all da guns is givin away free pies! 'E told me to spread the word!"

    As he lumbered his way to the front trench, he ducked back in to the side trench where he'd hidden his gear, and the Ogryn's body. He made his way out to the front line trench, seeing humans along the fire step, he pointed his ripper gun down on them and pulled the trigger. The gun spat pellets down the trench, and with no cover from the side, the Guardsmen were cut down. It took a few shots for him to realize his new dakka was automatic, and gleefully decimated the front human ranks with a clip and a half before throwing his pilfered grenades and hopped over the parapet.

    His only though going back to the Ork lines was how many teef it'd take to get the Ripper an Orky makeover.
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  3. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    His greatest test came from the big 'uumies. Using armor he'd borrowed from one who had got in the way of his snazzed up Ripper Gun and patched up by a Mek, under strict orders to keep it 'uumie lookin'. It was at least green already, so the Mek just needed to fix the bullet holes and make it able to fit an Ork inside. The Mek did this by cutting the armor down the middle, then welding metal in to the gap. Meaning the armor's front and back looked perfectly fine. The side looked a little more- crude but it'd work. Instead of a helmet., which Spookums had no chance of getting on his head, he instead painted a bucket green, cut out eye holes and put it over.

    Instead of a midnight infiltration, he instead wondered in to battle. He positioned himself alone, with the bigga bolta overlooking a choke point, another two opposite had a red armored space marine on. And he was taking pot shots at the orks below, particularly the stragglers who he harassed with heavy bolter fire in particular.

    When the moment was just right, he waved his hand to get the marines attention.

    "What is it, Brother? Do you require ammunition?" The Blood Angel Enquired.

    "I 'erd wun ov da Orks say yet muva was grot, an' yer faver smelt ov squig pie!" Spookums returned. This solicited a pause from the Angel.

    "You Mimic the Orks well, Son of the Lion." Was the Blood Angels reply. Of course, Spookums had no idea what a 'son' was, let alone a lion, especially in this context.

    "I'm da sun ov a wot? Oi! Watch out, deres wun ov dem Orks be'ind ya!" Spookums exclaimed, swinging the heavy bolter around. When the Blood Angel turned, he was shot in the back by the Kommando who was chuckling.

    "Eh, Stupid 'uumies. Turnin' I'z back on a kommando. Even if deyz didn't know I'z a Kommando."

    This tactic worked a number of times, even as the Astartes bodies started to pile up, using such insults as.

    "Yer yella boyz is such da rite color! I CAN SEE'Z YA FER MILEZ AN YA RUN AWAY LIKE BLOOD AXES!"

    After shooting the Ultramarine, and watching him die. "Guess blue ain't lukky fer ya 'uumies, izzit? Hah."

    Upon meeting another Dark Angel, he didn't even wait to set up the trap, the Dark Angel immediately suspicious of the four Astartes corpses. "OI! STOP BEIN' GREEN! YA'Z NOT AN ORK YA GIT! GREENZ DA BEST ONLY IN DA CON-TEXT OV ORKS! YER GREENIE BOYZ AIN'T NOFFIN BUT COPYIN' UZ AN TRYIN' TA BE ORKY! NOW LIKE LIKE THE REST OF YA 'UMMIES COS YER NOT AS TUFF AS YA SHUD BE WIV YER GREEN ARMOR AN' YER FANCY BEAMY GUN DAT TICKLES A BIT! IF I WOZ CHARGIN' YA I'D BE WORRIED BUT NOT COZ I'Z STOOD STILL! "

    After some prime lootin' and some heads for His Boss' Trophy Rack @Thrakka he left. But not after scrawling. "Orks iz da best" in Space Marine blood.
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  4. Thrakka Thrakka Master

    LUV WHEN DA ORKS BE WRITIN PROPPA STORIEZ HEHAAA!!!
  5. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    The Eldar. Now, here was a challenge. While he did have a helmet he could strap over his face, he had nowhere near enough blue paint to complete the disguise. He instead opted for a far more Kunnin' plan, working to both his strengths as a Goff, and as a Kommando. Taking a Clubba and the pistol with the most dakka he could, her venture on to Olypsis. Instead of attacking the objectives directly, he skirted around to hit the furthest one, sneaking there on foot. Becomming a deadly ghost to any Eldar he managed to sneak up on, and retreating out of the way of reprisals.

    Numerous times he had to duck in to cover as Hawks flew past. Entirely the reason he brought the pistol he did, though he did not want to give away his position behind the enemy lines just yet despite having a particular hatred for the flyin' flimsy domb poop'in twiggy fingz and der fancy dakka dat shows ya all da colorz ov da rainbow. He crept slowly up to the furthest objective, looking down in to the top floor to see one of the grim ones lurking around the second floor.

    The Reaper was sat overlooking the point, but was remaining still. Spookums crept up behind t hem in a particularly ridiculous way, sneaking by walking on his tip toes and moving forward very slowly with his hands raised, one hold his clubba ready. Once he was close enough, he pounced with a "Boo!" Whacking the Reaper around the back of the head right proper, a second swing finished it. Having seen- something down below him, he left the reaper alive and crept away when a green figure appeared, running for their friend. As they were helping up the Reaper, he attacked again.

    As he finished off the reaper, and then took a cloth to wipe the fancy eldar blood off, he conversed, or tried to with the dying Eldar Scorpion. "SOOOO, anuva fing dats tryin' ta be Orky. Ya green ain't tuff enuff! Yer choppas nice do, I fink I'll take dat wiv me. I'z gunna saunta downstairs an' loot wot eva's down der.

    "H-help-" The Scorpion tried, though may as well have asked She Who Thirsts for mercy. " 'Elp ya wot? Die? Ah. I'll give ya a sportin' chance. If ya can crawl away before i loot downstairs, ya get ta live, but ya afta live wiv da shame o' bein beat by a Kommando." He grins at that. "An' yer poncy intelligence is az flawed as yer weird reproductiv system! It'z alien, and quite frankly scary." He nods at that, moving downstairs, thumbing his fist in to his chest as he half whispers. "Sekret Waaagh."
  6. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    "Dis wun nite, I 'erd sum noize in wun a da shops wun ov da meks set up. So, I finished me 'uumie chops and me fungus beer an i went to 'av a looksee. Wot did i find?" Spookums said.

    @Ashgarm peers at Spookums in such a way that communicated the point better than asking the obvious question as he teared off a strip of flesh on his roasted space marine arm.

    "It woz wun ov dem 'uumie meks. Da almos' all cybork wunz? E' woz standin' in front ov a trukk, 'oldin da engin in i'z 'ands! An' e' woz right suprised wiv 'ow lite it woz, rite? So 'e see's me der an sez."
    He clears his throat.
    "Ork. How- does this function, and why is this so light?"
    "So, I looks at wot 'ez got in 'iz 'ands ans i say. 'Cuz yer 'oldin a piece a' papar wiv squiggly lines an' da werd 'enjin' written on. I dunno 'ow it werks. but repairin' itz irritatin'! Gotta carry so many drawinz aroun'!'
    E' seemed more confused 'bout dis, so wile e woz finkin, I pulled dem metal snake fingies from 'iz back, stuk da pointy bitz in mine an' walked out to da boyz an sed."

    "OI BOYZ, LOOK AT ME! OOOH, I'M AN 'UUMIE MEK WHO DUNNO HOW TEKNOLOGEE WERKS! I DUNNO WOT AN ENGINE IZ, OR WOT MAJIK MAKES IT WORK!"
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  7. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    So, I'z 'erd sum boyz askin fer sum backgroun' so i fought It'z a chance ya dust off me story tellin'. So take a seat or zog off.

    I sprouted from da world ov Dakkem. It'z- uh- over- der sumwere. It dozzent matta in da grand skeem of fingz. So. I fell in wiv a Goff Mob. Ya know da kind, Da Green Tide Who's trukks are made ta carry as many boyz as dey can. Chargin in ta 'uumie fire, whic fer da most part is absorbed by numberz. Da Orks der 'av been fightin 'uumies der fer- ferevah. Mostly da runty 'uumies. Wiv sum of the pink, almos' Orky wunz.

    So, every nite woz da same 'ol fing. Charge da gunz, an' zog 'em. Da nite afta, der wuz more gunz an' less Orks. So. I woz eatin' a squig pie wun nite an' Mork 'peared befer me an' e sez. "A propa 'Ardboy wud tek da gunz demsenz." Den 'e spat in me face an' told me ta get to it. So- Dat'z wot i did. Each nite, i went out on me own an' silenced da gunz so wen I 'it it wiv da boyz. More boyz ta fight!

    Me Cybork arm i got wen Wun ov da Nobs got too moufy. Dis woz a Goff Nob, an' 'e was 'uge. Anyway. I start da fight, an a circle forms up aroun' uz. bettin' an wotnot starts. So, a a couple of minits in to da fight, wot does da nob do? Tears off me arm so i started bitin'. Den, it hit me. I snatched up me arm an' started beatin' 'im wivvit. It's teknikally not a weapon, see. So I wun, an it felt great! Shame da Nob didn't make it. Chokin' on a fist sumwuns literalee rammed down yer froat. So it took 'is kit, an' sold most ov it. I kept da armer.

    So, wiv da winnins from da bettin, an fer wot i got from da nobz stuff, i got me a fancie new arm. I dunt -need- a choppa in it now but- well. Ya know wot dey say. Wunce a Goff, always a Goff. I also didn't become Nob by dis point, i'd like ta point out. Wen i'd seen enuff acshun ta be a Skarboy, I'd got quite good at sneakin' about. I joined a Freebooter Kommando unit an' left Dakkem.

    I fink, da next bit, I'll save fer later. I'z got sum ov dat sneakin' da do right now.
  8. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    Right. Part two- Wher did i get up ta- er- Oh. Joinin' da Kommandoz. I'z deve- inventid a form ov sneakin'. I calls it Goff Sneakin. Part of it's actually tryin ta creep aroun' da seconds da part dat, wen da enemy see's me, I'z couldn't possibly be an Ork! Cuz wer not know fer it, an if it iz an Ork Dey'z seen, da fakt I'z right next to 'em meanz dat if dey try anyfin' dey know deyz dead since dey can't do da 'ole. "Don't let da Orks get close so dey can get Choppy." fing. Da gits dead if 'e sayz anyfin, and we boffe knowz it. So der simple little mindz tell 'em I'z not an Ork, just something dat looks almost exactly like wun. Like a shadow or summot. An' den deyz just pretend dey nevah saw it.

    Floatin' aroun' In my den bosses Krooza, I 'ad me first taste ov fightin' space Marines. Dey woz blue, an earily lucky. Der was fights agenst spiky boyz, an' der demony friendy fingz. Da- wunz wiv da Klawz is extra sneaky. Sum of tha boyz got da idea ov paintin demsenz purple from dat. So much so dat da meks made a fing dey called dunka da ya sit in, an' dey drops ya in that paint. No boyz ever come out ov it. I 'av no idea if dat means it werks. I know it works wiv da black paint, after i got shoved in.

    We also fought da skeleton fingz an' da Nids. Derz only so much sneakin' ya can do agenst most ov dem, so I woz agen kitted out wiv me choppa an' a fancy slugga i found dat's kinda- beamy? We didn't stan' much chance gens da skeleton fingz. Dey'z dead 'ard fer twiggy fings. An- I fink deyz already ded. HOWD YA ZOGG STUFF DATS ALREADY ZOGGED?! Lost a lota boyz to da nids, so we scarpered before dey ate da rest of us.

    Wen we stopped ta loot sum supplies from an 'uumie world, wot did we find? Eldar. Der little boss marched out an sed sumfin like. "Yer pressence 'ere's unwelkum, an' we ask dat ya go elswer or we'll zog ya. Lost 'alf me cybork arms to wun ov da screamy wunz, 'er choppa cut rite through it. lost me eye too. Course, Didn't save 'er from da slugga in me uver 'and aha. I 'ad me arm repaired a little better dan wot it woz before, I 'av a shoota built in ta it, so I' cud take a shield an' still dakka. It does, on occashun shoot all da takka at wunce. And! Wunce shot burny dakka. I'm not sure 'ow it managed that. . So. Killed a few ov da Eldar, dey ran away, but iz dat a suprise to anywun?

    We'z also landed on Arkhona in da best way possible! By crashin'. Da git steerin' it sed a 'mergency landin' but- well. So, after walkin' out da krooza, i started 'splorin'. Sum Eldar 'ere, spikey boyz dere. I was attackin wun ov da forts da 'uumies like so much wen i came across a group of boyz, always at da forefront, coppa'in or dakka'in. I went over to 'elp 'em. Spoke to da bossun' afta. Sed. "Spookumz, yer may 'av been a Skarboy unda yer old boss, but yer rank an' file roun' 'ere until i say so." Noffin bad about dat, Kommandoz work best wen dey fly da dakkajet under da radar. It'z been zoggin' fingz wiv Da Lead Belchas since. An' occashunally protectin' da Bossun's arse. Or a point. Gud luck takin me off my stikk in da ground, Uumiez. I aint wun ta back away from a fight.
  9. Iron Ironangel2k3 Steam Early Access

    Looks like Spookums story is about to pick back up...
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  10. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    Spookums descended upon the unfortunate guardsmen just before a change of the watch, stabbing his choppa through the torso of one and releasing the grip as is cybork arm raised to wrench the neck of the other guardsmen until the human could, for a brief few seconds see the ork that killed him. He retrieved his choppa from the falling guardsman, striding forward as he yelled "WAAAGH!" with thunderous abandon, rousing the rest of the watch post from their tents as he strode through.

    He slashed at bodies with his choppa and crushed bones with his shield. When shot by Lasfire at point blank from a stumbling, terrified guardsman, he spat in the humans face, laughed and headbutted him so hard the back of his skull burst The lasbolt wound, . Those that survived the peek out of their hab tents and left in various pieces were finished off by the grots who were following the Goff at a respectable distance, so he didn't decide he was hungry, and eat one of them.

    One of the grots, braver (Or stupider) Than the rest did see a human charge the ork, bayonet fixed. Though the bayonet was parried by the shield, one arm was sliced off above the elbow as the human dropped his weapon, Spookums ripped off the mans arm, silencing his screams with a quick bash with the spiked outer edge of the shield. He bit a chunk of flesh from the arm before clubbing another human with it, who shrieked and was then shot, point blank by the slugga built in to the orks cybork arm. He then retrieved his choppa from a scabbard between the shield and the squigleather loops and the metal half ring he held it with.

    He found an imperial shrine, which he promptly defiled by urinating on it, drawing the Goff bull head icon in blood until he he realized what he was looking for was next to this little shrine. Pulling his pants back up, not one to be caught with his pants around his ankles and his 'Urty bitz out. He took a can- of what he wasn't sure, but it smelled like it'd burn right propa. He left a trail back out of the camp, not paying any heed to the grots or various bits and pieces of the now dead humans as he trod on them.

    He wondered why he hadn't seen anyone with a fancy hat, which he knew usually meant that was the human in charge. Not at all propa. He dropped the can, seeing a very impressive hat fighting grots with some kind of sparkly choppa. He bellowed as he picked up the pace, drawing his weapon. he bellowed a challenge of "WAAAGH!" As he lunged as the sergant, who turned in time to be slammed in the torso with the front of the shield and swiftly decapitated, the head flying off and spinning in the air. It's only when the body, spurting arterial spray does Spookums realize it's either the fancy hat, or the sparkly sword, as the sword hits the fuel and lights it. He makes run for the hat.

    On the outside edge of the firestorm that was once the watch post, a burning ork stands, having been flattened by the shockwave of the fire cooking off the explosives. He wipes a layer of soot from the head, reaches behind himself and sticks the head on to his trophy rack, making sure not to ruin the hat. He then, rather casually walks away, still partly on fire. It's only when he gets back to the camp, smouldering now does he realize.

    "ZOGGIT! IT'Z CUDDA DUG DA FANCY CHOPPA OUTTA DA ZOGGIN SOOT!"

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