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Dark 'Eresy (An All-Ork Rogue Trader game)

Discussion in 'Fan Art, Cosplay, & Fiction' started by Ironangel2k3, Apr 23, 2017.

  1. Bigbitz Ironangel2k3 Steam Early Access

    Me and a few other lads in DLB have picked up a Rogue Trader game, and we just finished our first session last night. I did a writeup in the style of The All Guardsmen Party, and even have a subtle homage in the writing itself, and thought you guys might find this as entertaining to read as we did to play.

    First, you need some context.

    The ship they fly is called Laughingskull's Revenge. Originally a pirate light cruiser, it got into an entanglement with an Ork ship, and instead of losing, chose Pyrrhic victory, slamming his vessel into the Ork cruiser, effectively ruining his own ship, but obliterating the Ork ship. The front half of his ship was pretty much mangled or removed, but the damage killed just about every Ork on his ship and all of the Ork ship's inhabitants. One boarding team survived, however, and made it to the bridge, where their warphead killed Laughingskull by vomiting green plasma at him. The ships' onboard hydroponics is sufficient to produce every lifeform up to grots; Any bigger, aka Orks, and there simply isn't enough gestation space, meaning none get produced. As a result the Ork population never goes up naturally, but there is a near-endless supply of grots, snots, squigs, and fungus.
    Laughingskull's Corsairs were once a terribly feared raider group, and at the head of the fleet was the crown jewel of the pirate armada- Laughingskull's Revenge. No one was quite sure what he was taking revenge for, but revenge he got, because he terrorized the Hades Abyss for several decades before making the incredibly unwise decision to raid a marooned Blood Axes destroyer.

    The destroyer was, of course, not alone. As soon as Laughingskull engaged the ship, the surrounding asteroids began to drift out of the asteroid field. The Orks had set a trap, and Laughingskull was soundly caught in the vice. Being a light cruiser, Laughingskull's Revenge was no slouch in a fight, but the never ending waves of Ork freebooters and swarms of Grots boarding his ship eventually overwhelmed him. As a parting gift, Laughingskull ordered the ship to ram the Ork destroyer, and set a collision course. The resulting impact ruined the front half of the vessel but had the effect of obliterating the Ork destroyer and killing the vast majority of the Greenskins on his own ship.

    The nobs at the head of the boarding team found Laughingskull in the bridge, laughing. He raised his pistol, cackling madly, but was unable to pull the trigger as the boarding party's Warphead, Slagmaka, finally released the pent up WAAAGH! energy he had been choking down, and vomited a blob of green plasma that incinerated Laughingskull and the floors of several decks beneath him.

    With thair Kaptin dead and stuck aboard a half-functioning half-cruiser, the boarding team did what they could and scrapped everything they could get their hands on to fix the ship up and get it working again. A Mekboy had also been in the boarding parties, unwilling to part with the shiniest of his toys and insistent on using them in battle himself, and he managed to get the ship's front end airtight, get the engines working, and eject the remaining human crew (And several grots) into vacuum to watch them "Do da 'ead splodey dance".

    Armed with half a cruiser and whatever they could manage to force grots to collect from the shattered Ork ship via sketchy EVAs in equally sketchy grot void suits, the crew took to the stars as Rogue Traders, specializing in services (Specifically, the violent kind).

    Laughingskull's Revenge is an ancient, and almost unique, ship that was originally wrenched from a space hulk. It is a special ship that can land thrusters facing down, then deploys landing clamps to secure it to the surface. The internal gravity remains top-to-bottom, meaning boarding and disembarking from a gravity well is disorienting, but the advantage is that the ship can take off at a moment's notice and reach escape velocity faster than other ships its size can give chase and at an angle that is difficult to pursue.

    The now-heavily reinforced front end makes an excellent battering ram, and several heacy weapons have been mounted to the sides. Having lost a little under half of its mass, the ship is also surprisingly agile, if a bit unwieldy.

    The on-board hydroponics bays are sufficient to grow Orkoids up to Gretchin, but too small for Orks to grow. Therefore the ship has a near-endless supply of grots, snotlings, small to medium squigs, and fungus, but no more boyz than what survived the wreck.

    The current crew consists of:
    -Meganob Smardak Cogrippa
    -Nob Urtzit
    -Nob Slaggit
    -Nob Greenfing
    -Nob Spookums
    -Warphead Slagmaka
    -Mekboy Klanka
    -Sparky (Killa Kan)
    -Approximately 67 gretchin (This number varies wildly depending on day, bravery of grots, and hunger of squigs/orks)
    -???? snotlings (no one cares enough to try to count them without eating them)
    -Nearly a hundred squigs of various types
    -Probably demons

    The players:

    Urtzit is a flash git. While not the largest or strongest of Orks, his snazzgun packs a mean wallop. He likes to collect small guns, especially exotic alien ones, and has several dozen bullets with his name on them that he uses as decorations.

    Greenfing is a Kommando obsessed with Umies, and takes effort to try to disguise as them and even act like them. This goes about as well as you think. He also likes to collect books.

    Slaggit is a flyboy and is a little too friendly with grots for most Orks' liking. This is rarely a problem however, as grots willingly replacing Orks on suicidal flight missions is hardly a bad thing.

    Smardak is a meganob of the very, very choppy variety. He loves to loot ceremonial and decorative equipment more than anything, especially commissar hats, and makes his mega armor look as ceremonial as possible.

    Spookums is a goff. He is the goffiest goff to exist. He has the intelligence of a brick, and the body of a brick, and he's ded 'ard and doesn't like ta fink, but he likes to chop a lot.

    The rest of the crew:

    The resident Warphead, and the Ork getting them through the warp. He's usually quiet and reserved, but is highly addicted to the WAAAGH!, and prone to spontaneous bouts of green plasma vomit.
    Slagmaka has an unusual set of powers for weirdboys, and a great deal less control over them when things get hot. Most of his abilities have a fairly limited range, but devastating results, usually manifesting as great spherical blobs of burning green goo that melts everything near where it winds up landing, then burning through whatever it landed on until it finally dissipates.

    Slagmaka can perform most of the functions of any other weirdboy however, the most important of which, for a rogue trader, is the ability to propel the ship through the warp, and then get it back out. Slagmaka is usually reserved for an Ork, walking slowly and deliberately and thinking, sometimes inspecting random objects or details, then moving on wordlessly. In th eheat of battle though, he becomes as frenzied as any other Ork, and has a severe addiction to horking up great balls of plasma randomly, which earned him an unceremonious exile after a little too much collateral damage.

    His abilities are actually more dangerous in space, as they pose a serious threat to hull integrity, and as a result is usually used as a sort of artillery barrage, working the Boyz into a frenzy then bellowing plasma balls at the enemy ship through his void-suit. These then splatter and adhere to the enemy ship and burn large holes in its armor.

    Mekboy and "artist" Klanka's devices range from mildly entertaining noisemakers to extremely hazardous deathtraps, and everything in between. He has a special love of energy weapons.
    Klanka is odd, even by Mekboy standards. Where most meks will gladly hand off their latest creation to wreak havoc on the battlefield, Klanka tends to hoard the best weapon designs for himself, only parting with them for a high price or as the result of force. The latter option proved to be fatal for his Warboss, who after forcing him to hand over one of his many ingenous guns was promptly reduced to a screaming, boiling yellow paste by a shot from another, fired by the very-much fed up mek. This earned him a prompt exile.

    Many of the Mek's designs are esoteric, serving no real functional purpose besides to do something wildly dangerous to the user, everyone in the immediate vicinity, and possibly everything in a large radius, but he is also a savant when it comes to larger constructions. He is plenty capable of producing more functional designs however, though these he doesn't value nearly as highly as his collection of random high-tech deathtraps, which he views almost as works of art.

    He has a special love of energy weapons of all kinds, ranging from lasers, to plasma, to electrical shocks. His most functional and lethal designs are heavy energy weapons that he hoards for himself, preferring to use them personally.

    He sees himself as a bit of an artist both in the shop and on the battlefield, and his inventions are both works of art and tools on their own. He will give theatrical bows and be consumed by artistic passion in the midst of battle, which can be irritating when your heavy fire support stops firing to gaze around at the bloodshed in blissful awe. However, if you need something vaporized, blown up, or in general destroyed, you need do little but provide him with a bit of inspiration and he's sure to make something bizarre and utterly destructive, then charge an exorbitant amount for his latest "art installation".

    He refers to his shop as a gallery instead of a workshop, and devices are often arranged in such a way they can be walked around, looked at, and interacted with (Though doing so is usually hazardous). His shop, as a result, looks more like a museum than a shop, though he does leave himself plenty of space to work.

    Self appointed "Grot Morale Officer" and "Squig Population Controller", Sparky is Klanka's pet project. Being a Killa Kan has its ups, and Sparky knows this. Sparky hates Squigs, and kills them compulsively.
    Not all grots are created equal. Some just have luck. Through cunning, cowardice, and a general avoidance of danger, Sparky managed to survive long enough to become Klanka's assistant, where he was given a relatively safe (relatively being the operative word) job as an oil grot, lever-puller, and experiment operator. Sparky proved to be quite clever, and in a fit of inspiration, Klanka crammed him into a Killa Kan.

    After the standard celebratory murder of his least favorite orks, Sparky proved to be a useful asset in boarding parties, where his bulk and reckless aggression proved to be quite useful. Being in a Killa Kan also had the effect of making him forget he was a grot, and thus that he was easy to kill. During a boarding, he was caught by himself stomping through a corridor, and had a leg shot off. The three crewmen who had fired the krak missile, seeing the kan collapse sideways limply, assumed that this had done the trick, but what had actually happened is Sparky had unplugged himself from the Kan's systems. He flung the top open and tore screeching from the hatch in a fit of rage. Through sheer shock and element of surprise he managed to yank the chainsword from an officer's belt and kill the officer and two crewmen with it before becoming exhausted and simply looting the three crewmen and taking his new prizes back to the kan, plugging himself back in, and hopping on one leg back to the boarding shuttle to catch a ride home.

    But above all things else, Sparky hates squigs. In his formative months, there was not a creature that terrorized him more than the squigs. The bigguns were easy enough to get away from. He was faster and could fit into places they couldn't. Squigs, on the other hand, were as fast or faster than he was, and could get into any place he could. Sparky now takes great joy in killing every single squig he sees, and will become impassioned with the mighty need to shoot, smash, electrocute, chop up, dismember, and in general messily kill one if it enters his line of sight. This is actually not that bad, as without this self-motivated squig-removal officer roaming the ship, squigs would easily overrun the entire thing. The squig population has actually stabilized as a result, with the number of squigs evening out at around the point where they become common. Fewer squigs means harder to find, so fewer meet the clutches of Sparky- Many more, and they become too easy to find, meaning Sparky's genocidal rampage ramps up in intensity. As for cleanup, other grots tend to take care of that.

    Sparky, when not in a frenzied chase with a random squig, is generally agreeable with the bigguns, who are keenly aware he is in direct control of a three meter tall killing machine engineered to end life in the most entertainingly messy ways possible. Orks tend to not provoke him as a result. Sparky is the self-appointed "morale officer" of the grots aboard the ship, cajoling and commanding them if he feels they aren't pulling their weight.

    Being engineered by Klanka, Sparky has several bizarre "upgrades", including the ability to unplug himself from the Kan without frying his brain (enabling him to still perform his workshop duties), a custom power shock attachment, and dozens of different weapons and armatures that Klanka whips together out of boredom, enjoying watching the grot enthusiastically use his new toys to eradicate squigs in spectacularly violent ways. Sparky himself has a basic understanding of how to swap out the weapons, so he never has to bother Klanka to do it for him, and he never gets bored with killing squigs in the same ways!

    Some of his favorite armatures:
    -Power shock fist
    -Quadruple twin-linked shootas
    -Hammer arm
    -Repeater rokkits (He's not allowed to use this one any more)
    -Mega beem (He's not allowed to use this one either)
    -Saw claws
    -Plazma kannon
    -Stompy Feet
    -"Da Pokey Knob" (Never again; Klanka was ordered to dismantle this one after its single run. He did not argue.)

    Their ultimate goal is to meet up with WAAAGH! Kragmaw, currently in progress. A message has been sent out by Kragmaw Skulltaka, current Warboss, to all Freebooterz that want a good fight and lots of loot and teef, promising all of this if they help him with some "specific problems". Since fighting, teef, and loot are basically what it means to be a freebooter, who would ever argue?
    Kaptin_Pokkets and Elector like this.
  2. Bigbitz Ironangel2k3 Steam Early Access

    Normally, Orks don't care much for schedules, but the warphead Slagmaka had insisted they abide by one as long as they were in the warp so no one went mad. As a result, they had a semi-structured day where meals and sleep were on a vague schedule. So no shit, there's Smardak, Greenfing, Spookums, and Urtzit in the converted canteen, eating their roast squig. It is at this time that they decide they are terminally bored. "Oy, Smardak!" Urtzit beckoned. "Letz play a game a Kick da Grot!"

    At this point, the more experienced grots quietly make their way out of the room, while the younger grots stay put, wondering what all the noise is about. Its not until Urtzit snatches one that they realize something is happening, and begin to disperse. For the unlucky grot selected, however, it is far too late. "Whoever can kick it da farthest winz," Urtzit declares before setting the grot down, commanding it to stand still, and kicking.
    Kaptin_Pokkets likes this.
  3. Bigbitz Ironangel2k3 Steam Early Access

    Unfortunately, Urtzit aimed very poorly, and ends up whiffing right past the grot with his leg. Panicking, and lacking any recourse, the Grot decides it could buy some time to think by biting down on Urtzit's leg and clamping there. Urtzit of course, immediately reaches for the grot and attempts to yank it off, but fails terribly, and winds up bouncing around on one leg, tugging at the entrenched gretchin, before colliding with a table and falling over. The grot makes a decision that this is a good time to try to bolt, wiggles free of Urtzit's grasp, and legs it for the nearest vent, then clambers in and vanishes. Urtzit argues that TECHNICALLY the grot went quite far- This was his plan. And with no more grots, he is unofficially the winner. That's when someone spots Urtzit's ammo grot, who suddenly realizes he should have bolted long ago.

    Urtzit pulls the grot aside and orders it not to fly very far at all, under the threat of a severe pounding. The gretchin manages a weak salute, and responds with "I promise only to try".

    Smardak grabs the grot, puts it down, and then with a mighty kick, sends the grot into the opposite wall, where it sticks for a second before sliding down complete with squeaking sound. Urtzit goes to reprimand the grot, finds it is quite dead, and an argument starts up; Technically, Urtzit's grot went through the wall, so his was still better, right?

    While the betters squabble, Sparky, the resident "Grot Morale Officer" clanks into the room. Sparky is a Killa Kan, and the work of mad genius Klanka, who also works on the ship.

    Sparky leans forward, and the hatch on the top of the Kan pops open to reveal Sparky's upper half standing upright. He snaps a brisk salute, which has the effect of causing the Kan's right arm to jerk upwards, flipping the table containing Spookums and Urtzit's meals. "Ayyy boss, 'appy ta report dat squig populations iz unda control, an' grot morale iz glowing."

    He spots the dead grot, which is currently on the way to Spookums's mouth, and shakes his head. "Deze grots is always misbehavin izn't dey?"

    Sparky and the orks share a bit of banter back and forth while they get the table righted, then the vox makes the standard ear-shattering feedback it makes before someone begins speaking.

    "Oy! Sparky, you git!" Klanka's voice echoes. "I dunno where you dun got off to, but da brainy connekshun in dat arm ain't done yet! You kill an Ork, or Gork 'elp me, blow anuvva 'ole in a wall, I'll rip yer arms off! An' I don't mean da kan! You got about, ten minnitz, ta get yer green arse back ta me gallery 'fore I blow dat bomm in ya brain up!"

    Sparky looks at the vox in the corner for a moment, looks back at the bosses, and Spookums replies "Start runnin'."

    "Reportz done boss, see you lot later!" Sparky quickly says, then climbs back in the kan and runs off into the hallway.

    A few seconds later, there's a tremor, like a big thump, and all the lights go out. There's the sound of crashing down the hallway, then vaguely audible high-pitched swearing as Sparky continues careening into walls in the dark.

    Smardak and Spookums turn on their lights, and start sweeping the room; Everything seems pretty normal. The lights come back on dimly, and the personal voxes of the orks chirp. Slaggit informs them that he thinks they hit something, and it janked the Uge Teef on the ship askew. He tells them to go and help Klanka with the power problem.

    They start making their way to the lower decks, and several grots run past them shrieking. Urtzit commands them to stop running and get back down that hallway or he'll blast 'em good, but the grots figure they have a better shot getting past Urtzit than they do whatever they are running from. Never wanting to be said he isn't an Ork of his word, Urtzit opens fire on the fleeing grots, the blast from his snazzgun blowing one in half. He throws the halves of the gretchin at its fellows, to no response.

    Klanka then sends them a vox, telling them he has the power situation under control, but that there's apparently something big causing all the stir in the grots in the cargo bay, and tells the orks to go there instead.

    Figuring a good stomp was better than whatever the Mekboy would be having them do, they head towards the cargo bay in hopes of a fight. As the corridors get narrower, things start getting warpy; The walls start weeping blood, faces melt out of the walls, screaming, then melt back in, and other minor warpy things.

    The first door they come across is not locked or secured in any way. Therefore, there is only one logical thing to do to an Ork.

    Smardak takes a running charge, smashing his considerable bulk through the door, shattering it. Klanka will no doubt be pissed about this one, but he'd get over it.

    They continue down the ships corridors, finding a room already open. Greenfing and Urtzit hear talking coming from inside; Greenfing can identify the voices as grots, and can tell they are blaming Sparky and his squig-stomping tendencies for the current calamity. Before Greenfing can sneak up and get a hold of one of the buggers, Spookums strides into the room in all his Goff glory and like the brick he is orders the grots to come out of hiding and tell him what they are talking about.

    Naturally, a grot spots him, yells "BOSSES!" and the sound of the scraps they were picking through in the room kicking into the air reaches a crescendo as they clamber into vents, holes in walls, and anywhere else they can escape through. From what he could see, Spookums identified these as older grots, between 1 and 2 years old, and possibly dating back to the first boarding of this ship. Further investigation reveals they left their weapons behind. They know their grots; A rebellion is unlikely, and it seems more likely they were trying to prep to defend themselves from something.

    Spookums tells Klanka he found some of the older grots that have been successfully evading notice, and Klanka says he'll send Sparky that way to round them up.
    They all proceed further, and are assailed by another wave of fleeing grots. Greenfing does the smart thing and deftly snatches one of the grots as it runs past, and begins threatening it to calm down or else.

    This works to a degree, and the Gretchin begins pointing down the hall, babbling about some huge monster. When plied for details, he says he didn't see much, just that it was huge, made of teeth and claws, and was tearing everyone to pieces it could get its hands on.

    Greenfing tosses the gretchin down the hall, where it lands on its feet and keeps running. A little ways down, they encounter one of the defense points used against boarders from the cargo bays, and at the same time, they hear something huge stomping down the hall. The power situation being what it was, they couldn't tell what was making the noise, so they formed up to intercept whatever it was at the strongpoint.

    Several more screaming gretchin later, the stomping reaches maximum volume, and none other than Sparky comes storming around the corner, roaring at the grots for being cowards and to get back here.

    He spots the bosses, explains that he came down to see what all the fuss was about, and saw all these grots running about.

    The orks ask him if he's seen any sort of huge monsters, to which Sparky mentions he heard the grots complaining about things moving around int he cargo bay a while ago. He went to check it out, and a face popped out of the ground, called Mork a git, and Sparky stomped on it until it shut its gob. The grots said that wasn't it, but Sparky proclaimed they were all lazy lying gits who just didn't want to do any work.

    Sparky offers to accompany them, on account of if there IS something that needs squishing, he wants to help. They continue down the main corridor, clearing rooms as they go. The first room they come across is full of boxes; They spot movement inside, and something darts into a hole in a box. Deciding to just shoot it and be done with it, Urtzit blasts his snazzgun into the box, and squig bits and blood pour out of the hole, at which point mission accomplished is declared. Unfortunately, the ghost of the dead squig also emerges from the hole, declaring that Urtzit killed him, to which Urtzit replies by eating the squig's corpse in front of it. The ghostly squig enrages, charging Urtzit and ineffectually biting at his legs with its immaterial jaws.

    The second room they came across had about a dozen grots successfully using grabba stikks to pin several Squigs against the wall. The orks are about to leave them to it when the most awful screeching erupts behind them, the source of which is Sparky. Upon seeing the concentration of squigs, Sparky goes berserk, and fires a rokkit into the room (Which I will detail is only a few meters wide and long anyway) and instantly liquefies damn near everything inside. Urtzit tries to coax a new ammo grot out of the room before the inevitable stomping of the remainder of life forms near the remaining squigs, but fails, the grot in question is eaten by the now free squig, and Sparky stomps every last living thing in the room into paste.

    Sparky, still high on genocide, leads the charge to the last room on the way, and upon excitedly declaring that he cant wait to see how many squigs are in this one (As the quantity has been steadily ramping) he hurriedly throws the door open, charges in, and smashes into the back wall of a broom closet.
  4. Bigbitz Ironangel2k3 Steam Early Access

    With that out of the way, but still no sign of any huge monsters, they continue to the cargo bay, which is very close. The last door is a pressure door, hastily jammed by the fleeing grots presumably to cover their escape. Fortunately, when confronted by locked doors, Smardak has a technique for opening them that has worked well enough so far, and that is to use himself as a battering ram.

    This works, and Smardak smashes an impressive hole in the door, with the single caveat being there is no way that Sparky can fit. With the door now badly mangled, they cant force it open either, so Sparky declares he'll try and round up some backup and waddles off.

    Finding themselves in the final chamber before the cargo bay, they make note of two entry points; A door at the ground level, and stairs leading to a catwalk above the cargo bay.

    Spookums and Smardak decide to take the ground floor, while Greenfing and Urtzit take the upper level. Before even opening the doors, they can tell something is definitely inside the cargo bay.

    The sound of chewing is plainly audible; Crunching bones, slapping meat, slurping, and so forth. Expressing concern that they were about to walk into a Slaaneshi orgy, the Orks steel themselves for the worst, and charge through the doors.

    The inside is almost completely dark, aside from the emergency lights on either side of the outer bay door. Sweeping their lights around, they finally locate the source of the sound.

    A single, ordinary looking squig is picking over a discarded Grot corpse. Upon seeing Smardak, it perks up and wags its tail a bit, then starts happily waddling over to him.

    The first warning sign is when the ghost squig still gnawing Urtzit's leg spots the squig, backs up, then bolts.

    Deciding that chopping is better than waiting for whatever is about to happen, Smardak chops the squig in two. The dead squig flops limply to the floor, and then nothing happens. They all look around for a bit, perplexed; There's nothing else in here, and no other exits; If there had been something, surely they'd have seen it.

    That's when the universe decides to suddenly turn inside out.

    Blood begins raining in great torrents from the ceiling, and the walls and floor erupt in faces, screaming, trying to tear their way free, and the pieces of squig fold back together and begin to grow.

    The beast, now glowing red, towers over all of them, and lashes out.

    The blood from the rain begins pooling at everyone's feet in great sloshing waves ankle deep, slicking the floor. Spookums manages to retain his grip, but Smardak's top-heavy bulk is not so lucky, and he falls forward, crashing into the ground. Greenfing and Urtzit, safe on their perch, get ready to act.

    The squig bites at Smardak, managing to get its teeth around his head, clamps down. Greenfing attempts to move into position stealthily, but it turns out that three inches of sloshing blood is surprisingly hard to move quietly in.

    Meanwhile, Spookums lunges forward and slashes at the daemon with his choppa, hitting it about the leg and opening a wound. A pair of booming reports let everyone know that Urtzit is still up and running, and a pair of large holes burst into blood in the creatures side.

    The creature releases Smardak, who climbs to his feet, and swings his big choppa right into the creature's leg with a mighty sideways blow, the heavy implement biting deep into the creature's thick hide and flesh.

    Everything goes kind of warpy again, and the orks find themselves someplace completely different.

    They are standing in a grassy field with a few blossoming trees, filled with wildflowers. The sun shines gently and a cool breeze rolls past. Everyone is wearing nice button up shirts and pants with no weapons, and there is absolutely no violence anywhere, and this location is the single most peaceful location there has ever been.
    Smardak sees through the illusion, but his comrades, trapped in this nightmarish tranquil hellscape, rebel against its horrors, dropping their weapons and swinging wildly.

    Spookums attempts to hit Smardak, and misses; Urtzit drops his snazzgun and leaps down from the scaffold, still dragging his weapon along by the ammo belt hooked to the drum feeder at his belt, and attempts to punch Spookums, also missing.

    Abandoning stealth, Greenfing runs towards Urtzit with full intent of punching him.
    All in all, not the proudest day of the Orks lives.

    Smardak ignores the others and continues hacking at the beast, slicing into its left leg again, this time the satisfying snapping signifying the penetration of bone.

    The creature roars in anger, and the illusion drops, replaced by a sudden crushing burst of gravity. The hardy orks manage to stay upright, except for Urtzit, who collapses under the weight.

    While this happens, blood forms a viscous swirling bubble around the beast as it slowly lifts motionless into the air. Its wounds begin to mend, but before anyone can say anything about it, they hear a familiar voice from the cargo bay's inner door, where the cargo storage compartments are.

    "AY, YA GITZ, I GOT DA POWA BACK ON, SOMEONE OPEN DIS DOOR!" Sparky roars, pounding on the thick sliding door.

    Greenfing, Smardak, and Spookums continue chopping at the beast, the blood bubble absorbing much of their assault, while Urtzit runs to the door and hits the button to open it.
    The door slides open, revealing Sparky, several grots armed with pistols, and a warbuggy which roars into the room with screeching tires and a cloud of oily smoke. Atop the hood of the buggy is a grot, screeching "WITNESS ME!!"

    The orks roar "WITNESSED!" at the psychotic grot, and the reinforcements tear into the room en masse.
    While the furious grot inside the buggy shrieks that he can't see where he's going, the loose grots charge into the room, blindly firing pistols into the air, and Sparky begins vibrating with indignant fury at the sight of the huge squig.

    Spookums knifes the squig with his elektrik choppa, hits a nerve, and the creature begins to twitch before he finds his arm forcefully ejected by the bubble. It is at this moment the Warp decides it is done playing games.
    The outer bay door opens to the Warp. Any sensible person would immediately avert their eyes or clamp them shut the moment they heard it unlock, but Orks have no such compunction and elect instead to walk towards the open door, screaming insults and threats at it. Sparky in particular clanks forward, waving his arms, proclaiming Tzeentch smells like an Eldar whore, until the warp decides it's had enough and shuts the door again.

    That taken care of, Urtzit has enough time to scoop up his snazzgun and fire a couple shots into the squig before several very Orky things happen all at the same time.

    First, the squig is hit from behind by an unseen force hard enough that it reels forwards. When it turns to find what hit it, it is hit in the back again, knocking it face-first into the ground. Booming Orky laughter can be heard coming from two separate sources outside the ship. Second, Sparky's reckless charge collides with a box of stikkbombs, which tears it open, hurls them everywhere, and they all arm. Third, the warbuggy drives over all of them, at which point they detonate in an impressively massive explosion, hurling the car up and forward into the squig. The hood Grot and the driver both screech "WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!" before the vehicle collides with the blood bubble, crumples slightly, then erupts into a fireball of shredded metal and burning fuel.
    This has the effect of blowing apart the psychic barrier protecting the beast. Greenfing spots this opening first, and swings his choppa around, slicing into the monster's soft underbelly and revealing its organs. The organs begin wailing at the orks, which is odd, but at this point Sparky has finally closed the distance and smashes the creature in the back with his improvised dreadnaut CCW.

    A loud snap signifies the creature's spine shattering, and the force of the blow also punches some of the creature's guts out through its wound. Spookums gets in on the krumping, and his choppa bites into the monster's right leg, slicing deep enough to sever it like the other. With a mighty WAAAGH!, Smardak leaps up into the air and brings his elbow down on the beast, the impact of his bulk blasting what is left of the creature's organs out through its open wound, which go from a wailing to a sputtering, which I think most would agree is a marked improvement.

    The nearly dead creature lays there, writhing impotently in rage and agony. Urtzit finishes his fungus cigar, flicks the butt at the corpse, and opens up with an impressive barrage that pulps what is left of the daemon.
    The daemon finally dies, and shrinks back down to the size of a regular squig (And also loses the glowing red smoke, burning eyes, and general warpiness), as the grots close the distance and begin kicking the dead squig. Spookums spots a black wisp of smoke drift up from the corpse and float away lazily, but thinking nothing of it, joins in on the celebration.

    Comms finally clear up, and Klanka keys them all complaining that Slagmaka just burned a hole in his ship and Sparky is gibbering excitedly about "Da biggist squig 'e eva squished". The orks tell him what they found, and Klanka laments that he didnt get a chance to test his newest unstable deathtrap in their cargo bay, and resignedly recalls Sparky and gets his tools.

    After this, Slagmaka, taking a break from guiding the ship after the WAAAGH! energy generated by direct divine intervention caused him to hork a plasma ball into the bridge, where it then burned through three decks, informs the Orks that they are arriving way ahead of schedule, and suspects that a vision he had may have played a part.

    In his vision, Gork picked the ship up like a ball, then told Mork to "Go long", at which point he flung the ship at Mork, pegged him in the head with it, and called him a git.
  5. Smorcest Elector Eternal Battles Moderator

    Great first session, I am eager for more :OrkMoon:
  6. Spookums MasterSpookums Well-Known Member

    Urtzit Cudn't stay uprite! slippin' n' slidin' about in da blood, pushed down by gravitee. Smardak also tripped up wen da big demon-squiqqily fing appeared, and it bit on to iz 'ead! I fought 'ed die from dat. Not quite, but e'll certinly 'av sum skars ta show fer it.

    Rollin' about on da floorz not fightin' boyz! Wot do ya fink ya are, Eldar?
  7. DongSlayer DongSlayer Steam Early Access

    Fix your GPU and play EC like a proppa grot ya slug.
  8. Smorcest Elector Eternal Battles Moderator

    I'll make sure to keep it broken so I don't have to play with you :cool:
  9. The Trash Man Tankhead1 Arkhona Vanguard

    It was fun watching it, can't wait for next weeks :D
  10. I enjoyed the shit out of it, especially how in-character we were.

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