The Emperor returns and decidesto be a less shitty dad... >Angron, Angron! Quit waving your chainaxes around and set the table. >BBBBRRRRRRRRAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR! >Don't take that tone with me, young man. >Lorgar, if you're going to spend all evening reading while ignoring us, stick your nose in a cookbook and tell me why the casserole keeps burning. >Don't roll your eyes at me. Magnus, quit scrying for five minutes and tell Typhus to wash his hands. >But Daaaddddd... >No ifs, buts, or coconuts, mister. Has Leman or Jaghatai called? I left them like a hundred messages. Now as soon as Perturabo gets here we'll wake up Lion'El and wheel Roboute's stasis chamber to the table and have a nice family dinner.
"HAIL BROTHER!" "HAIL, I HAVE ANOTHER RIVETING JEST I HEARD FROM THE DEVASTATORS A FEW DAYS AGO DURING MIDDAY PRAYER!" "I WAIT WITH BAITED BREATH TO HEAR THIS AMUSING RAMBLINGS, PLEASE CONTINUE!" "WHY DID THE SLAANESHI DEMON CROSS THE ROAD?" "THIS SHALL BE GLORIOUS, PRAY TELL BROTHER!" "BECAUSE THIS NOBLE ASTARTES UNLEASHED THE EMPEROR'S FURY UPON THEN AND THEY WERE IN FULL ROUT!" "AMUSING, MY BROTHER, I SHALL DWELL UPON THIS IN MY MEDITATION TO THE EMPEROR!"
Bob: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! Tom: Oh for the love of Khorne! Give it a rest Bob. Bob: Give it a rest? We're Khornates! We're supposed to be angry and blood thirsty! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!! Tom: It's 5:30 am on a Saturday. It's too early for this shit. The sacrifice isn't until midnight, calm the fuck down. Bob: Khorne expects us to be the embodiment of his unholy fury! KILL! MAIM! BURN! Tom: Not 24/7 he doesn't. Look Khorne is the "War Given Form" right? Well, wars include calm planning, well thought-out strategies, the occasional cease fire, and time off for R&R. So shut the fuck up and let me get back to sleep. Bob: ... BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!! Tom: Getting really tired of your shit Bob. ____ That night no one else in the cult asked where Bob was or why the altar had an extra skull. They knew Bob and they knew Tom. If anything they were just surprised it had taken this long.
Well, planning and cunning strategies are more in the portfolio of Tzeentch nowadays, at least in 40k. It helps that all the surviving World Eaters have received brain surgery to turn them into mindless psychopaths.
Actually outside of battle Khârn seems to be a quite intelligent chap. Who's ready for another exerpt from 1d4chan? I've been fairly insistent to you readers out there that Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around. I know he gets a bad rap for the whole 'slaughtering his own allies' thing, but unless you've been there after a battle with him you don't really appreciate how much he strives to please his chaos god. It was after one of our many conflicts that the Red Rivers Infantry were preparing to march on to our next destination. Never mind that it was half the planet away, we as traitor guard didn't get transport vehicles. So as you can imagine when someone declared they'd found an Imperial Drop-ship in working condition everyone clamored and fought to get a free ride to our next engagement. Knowing full well I was too far away to get on the ship, I stayed with some of my fellow traitors at the battlefield. I'd seen Khârn after the battle, and as soon as we'd gotten our marching orders he was picking up corpses and putting them down elsewhere. This took an hour before he was satisfied, and seeing an audience he happily led us up onto a hill as the drop-ship flew a pass over the top of us, probably to gloat. Proudly, Khârn gestured to the battlefield, and then waved up at the drop-ship with his other hand. I peered down the hill, and realized he'd arranged the bodies to make out words, so many killed to form: On your drop ship hull I planted a melta bomb Blood for the Blood God It was at that point the drop-ship erupted in a violent plume, and crashed down on top of the haiku. Roaring in a cheer, we lifted Khârn up together and made to carry him to the next battlefield as a sign of our appreciation and devotion to his art. We got about five paces before our spines liquefied, but Khârn didn't hold it against us for trying. Seriously, what a guy.
Come hither come hither as I bring new and mirthfull tidings of the dark place known as teegee. >KNOCK KNOCK, BROTHER >WHO IS THERE? >SPACE WOLVES >SPACE WOLVES WHO? >NO BROTHER, SPACE WOLVES WOOF, SPACE OWLS HOO
