I was wondering if anyone had any decent, clever 40k jokes to share. I have: "What do you call a lasgun with laser sights? Twin-linked." and "A Necron walks out of a bar...he'll be back" P.S. I don't want to hear that stupid one about the black and white space marine!
An Imperial Guardsman, a Space Marine, and an Inquisitor walk into a bar. The Guardsman says "ow." The Marine breaks right through the bar with his reinforced skull. The Inquisitor accuses the bar of heresy. When the bar refuses to confess or even move despite sustained torture, the Inquisitor executes the Guardsman for failing to defeat the bar in combat. A group of Space Wolves are standing around a table in a bar shouting "Thirty Days! Thirty Days!", raising toasts and cheering like the Emperor has risen again. A Salamander comes on by and says "Brothers, I have heard your chanting and seen you cheering. Why are you chanting 'Thirty Days'?" One of the Space Wolves turns to him and says, "Well met brother! We took on a fearsome task that challenged us all to our limits, and yet we completed it in naught but a fraction of the time. In a mere 30 days!" "Indeed? What mighty task was this?" "That puzzle said 3-4 years. We did it in 30 days!"
So a Space Marine captain, a Sister Superior, and a regimental Commissar are with their respective troops in the hangar bay of a battleship. The captain walks up to the Sister Superior and boasts that his marines are much braver than the Sisters; the Sister Superior then walks up to the Commissar and boasts that her Sisters are much braver than the dogs under the Commissar. The Commissar proposes a challenge; simply, to see whose troops were the bravest. The captain volunteers to go first; he orders a veteran Sargent to run out of the airlock. The sarge obeys, and shouts For the Emperor! while storming out of the airlock and into space. The Sister Superior scoffs at this, turns to her Sisters and orders an entire squad of them to run out of the airlock. The squad obeys, shouts a similar mantra and runs out the airlock. The Commissar calmly strides up to a single, low-ranking trooper and asks him to step out of formation. This trooper is sweating profusely because he knows what's in store for him, but obeys and steps up front and center. The Commissar then draws his pistol and orders the trooper to run out the airlock. "Sir, no sir!" the trooper shouts, and stands his ground. The Commissar holsters his pistol and dismisses the trooper with a grin, then turns to the captain and Sister Superior, both of whom are in complete shock. "I win," the Commissar simply says. "How do you figure?" the captain asks. "Because what that trooper did took guts," said the Commissar with a laugh.
I feel like I'm missing something important... EDIT: *facepalm* I get it now. It took me four hours but I did eventually get it.
BROTHER: WHAT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF COOKING A VEGETABLE? FITTING THE GOLDEN THRONE IN THE OVEN.
BROTHER. DO YOU KNOW WHY DREADNOUGHTS ARE SEALED? >I DO NOT KNOW. EXPLAIN. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DYING TO GET IN
